{"id":36610,"date":"2023-09-13T09:00:32","date_gmt":"2023-09-13T13:00:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thinkorange.com\/blog\/three-things-a-single-dad-wishes-your-church-knew\/"},"modified":"2023-09-13T09:00:32","modified_gmt":"2023-09-13T13:00:32","slug":"three-things-a-single-dad-wishes-your-church-knew","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thinkorange.com\/blog\/three-things-a-single-dad-wishes-your-church-knew\/","title":{"rendered":"Three Things A Single Dad Wishes Your Church Knew"},"content":{"rendered":"

How we talk about parents matters.<\/span><\/p>\n

Several years ago, when I was both a Kids Pastor and a husband with small kids, I thought I had many things figured out. . . including the most effective ways to partner with the parents in my ministry. As a proud parent, married for over a decade, and leading a large children\u2019s ministry, who else would know better, right?<\/span><\/p>\n

During those years, I attended every Orange event and had the best resources available to me to engage the parents in my ministry, providing weekly take-home resources and offering the most dynamic family experiences, parenting classes, and milestone Sundays.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But becoming a single parent changed everything.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Suddenly, I began to pay less attention to what the Church was handing me. I temporarily lost my desire to attend gatherings with other families. And I became increasingly aware of the words that were used to describe families. . . particularly the families that looked like mine now.<\/span><\/p>\n

While providing resources and experiences for families is surely an important part of partnering with parents, becoming a single parent taught me that the true value of this concept was in something else.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Partnering with parents has less to do with what the Church can provide every parent and more to do with how the Church can build trust with every parent.<\/span><\/p>\n

In other words, before you . . .<\/span><\/p>\n

acknowledge and celebrate milestones in the lives of their children. . .<\/span><\/p>\n

create environments that afford them opportunities to connect without distraction. . .<\/span><\/p>\n

provide a consistent team of volunteers who are intentional about building authentic relationships with every kid. . .<\/span><\/p>\n

meet with parents regularly to give voice to what matters to them most. . .<\/span><\/p>\n

. . .consider first <\/span>how you think and talk about parents.<\/b><\/p>\n

The words we use are a reflection of our beliefs and core values. They can tell someone a lot about the experiences and perspectives that have shaped us. They can also unintentionally reveal gaps in our search for understanding.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What does it mean to build <\/span>real<\/span><\/i> trust in your relationships with every parent in your church?<\/span><\/p>\n

Trust can be defined as the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. So what would it look like to <\/span>believe in every parent<\/b> in such a way that it transforms the way they see your church \u2026and maybe even themselves?\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As a single dad, here are three things I wish your church believed about every parent and how your language could be adjusted as a result.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

Every Parent Wants To Be Reliable<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Parents will trust you more when you believe in their reliability.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In a world where \u201cbusy\u201d is often celebrated and families are juggling multiple commitments, it\u2019s no wonder some parents struggle with showing up when you want them to. I know first-hand how often this leads to a church leader\u2019s disappointment. But because we are the Church (and not their place of work, their child\u2019s school, the PTA, etc.), you have a unique opportunity as ministry leaders to remind parents of who they are <\/span>capable of being<\/span><\/i> rather than of where they are falling short.\u00a0 I\u2019m already battling with comparison and the \u201cnot enough\u201d monster. You can build trust with me by choosing curiosity and grace instead of guilt and disappointment.<\/span><\/p>\n

When parents show up late to the program you spent months planning or don\u2019t show up at all to serve on their assigned Sunday, believe they are still capable of being reliable and do not give up on them.\u00a0 Believe that they wanted to show up even if it isn\u2019t immediately clear.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Let go of:<\/span><\/p>\n