{"id":31945,"date":"2024-07-09T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-07-09T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thinkorange.com\/understanding-this-wonderfully-awkward-phase\/"},"modified":"2024-07-24T20:38:35","modified_gmt":"2024-07-25T00:38:35","slug":"understanding-this-wonderfully-awkward-phase","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thinkorange.com\/blog\/understanding-this-wonderfully-awkward-phase\/","title":{"rendered":"Middle School: Understanding This Wonderfully Awkward Phase"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

The middle school phase. If you work with middle schoolers, know a middle schooler, or have been a middle schooler, you know there is one word to describe this phase: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Awkward. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And, this isn\u2019t a judgment, but instead an acknowledgement that kids in sixth through eighth grade are navigating a lot of new experiences and changes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

New schools<\/p>\n\n\n\n

New friends<\/p>\n\n\n\n

New hormones<\/p>\n\n\n\n

New activities<\/p>\n\n\n\n

New feelings <\/p>\n\n\n\n

New everything. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When basically everything feels new, of course navigating those changes will be a little (or a lot) awkward. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But, the middle school phase isn\u2019t just full of awkward experiences. It\u2019s also full of potential. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How we as leaders and parents engage the unique opportunities of this phase has the potential to make a huge difference in the faith and future of preteens and teenagers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, what do we need to know about the middle school phase? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s start with a few things you may notice about middle schoolers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sixth Grade<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

No phase has less consistency than sixth grade.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Some sixth graders still sleep with stuffed animals and some want to sleep with their new cell phone. Most sixth graders are alternately one and then the other on any given day\u2014or any given hour. They may appear sloppy and unkempt one moment and preppy and overdressed the next. That\u2019s what makes every day a new day to discover who this growing person really is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In these 52 weeks, a kid may grow three inches and gain ten pounds.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re a parent, the place you\u2019re most likely to notice the growth is in your grocery bill. Keep the pantry stocked. If you are leading sixth graders, bring french fries. Ultimate mic drop. Win.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

During this year, there will be tears (both yours and theirs).<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Doors will slam. Drama will happen. Hormones will soar. Friends will break up. Abnormal has become the norm. But amid all the ups and downs, in these changing tides of emotions, now is the time to lean in even more closely. When they push, prove you can\u2019t be pushed away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When they change, prove you will love them consistently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When they break your trust, prove you are someone who can be trusted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It may seem challenging, but keep up the chase so in this phase there\u2019s never any reason to wonder, \u201cWho cares?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seventh and Eighth Grade<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ll begin to realize how embarrassing you really are.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If you are a parent of middle schoolers, you know that figuring out the new rules for your social behavior can be intimidating. When is it acceptable to \u201clike\u201d their Instagram post, and when are you allowed to openly comment? When are you expected to show up to the game, and whose parents are you not supposed to talk to? When are you supposed to dress up and be impressive, and when are you supposed to just be casual? Even when you aren\u2019t a parent, the middle schoolers in your ministry may waiver between thinking you are the coolest person in the room or the person they don\u2019t want to be seen with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Insecurity is an unspoken force that keeps this phase wonderfully awkward.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Even the most confident seventh grader may choose a \u201cgroup\u201d Halloween costume. (\u201cLet\u2019s go together as rock, paper, scissors!\u201d) They walk the hall in pairs. They go to the mall with a herd. They build unfathomably large social media platforms. The name of the game is to never be caught alone and to always associate with the coolest crowd possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may be surprised at how smart they really are.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In fact, there may be no phase quite as smart as this one\u2014just ask them. Being so much smarter than everyone else can really become a burden. Sometimes the patience just runs out, and they simply can\u2019t explain it to you one more time. The important thing will be what they know, and how they begin to personalize it in this phase.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are a parent, days with your \u201ckid\u201d are over, because now\u2013as they\u2019ll remind you\u2013they\u2019re teenagers ready to make the world their own. So, look for ways to encourage their process (just remember that it\u2019s their process, and they know it).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, how are middle schoolers changing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Middle Schoolers are Changing Mentally<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Middle Schoolers Think Like Engineers <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Like their physical bodies, there is a \u201cgrowth spurt\u201d in the brain of a middle schooler. The brain overproduces neurons and synapses similar to the growing brain of a toddler. This period of rapid growth accounts for a middle schooler\u2019s ability to think more abstractly, to understand multiple perspectives, and to think critically about themselves and others. It also means that instructions need to be simple and clear if you hope to be heard. Like an engineer, they learn best when they personalize an idea by connecting pieces of information. That\u2019s why puzzles, patterns, and codes can be helpful for learning in this phase.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Middle Schoolers are Changing Relationally <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In middle school, a preteen challenges authority and personalizes what they believe. The way a middle schooler resolves the \u201cWho\u201d questions of life determines the framework for their relational stability. It affects the way they see themselves, the way they see the world, and the way they see themselves in the world. In these phases, the relational questions shift from black-and-white to grey. The answers are no longer the same for every kid, so they need to be personalized. The best way to resolve a middle schooler\u2019s relational questions is to AFFIRM their personal journey. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Specifically, sixth graders are asking, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWho do I like?\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWho likes me?\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sixth graders need an overdose of acceptance to combat the storm of changes. When adults recruit other encouraging and affirming leaders and peers, kids gain stability. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When it comes to kids in seventh and eighth grade, they are asking, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWho am I?\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Seventh and eighth graders are increasingly self-aware and self-conscious. When adults acknowledge positive qualities and strengths, kids discover uniqueness.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are a few things you\u2019ll start to discover about kids in their seventh and eighth grade years:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Middle schoolers aren\u2019t just asking relational questions and changing how they relate to adults, they are also changing how they relate to God. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Middle Schoolers are Changing Spiritually <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Middle schoolers need to know that God can rebuild their story-even when things haven\u2019t gone according to plan. They relate to a God who overcomes impossible odds to rebuild what is broken, build stability, restore peace, resolve doubt, give hope and redeem everyone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you affirm <\/strong>their personal journey you help a middle schooler own their own faith and value a faith community. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, what does this look like practically? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are three ideas to help middle schoolers mature in their relationship with God: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  1. Connect the dots.

    This is the phase when a kid begins connecting the information they learned in childhood to see how it works together. That means this is the best phase to connect the overarching narrative of Scripture. There is incredible potential to re-engage their sense of wonder about the Bible when their eyes are open to the masterful way the story connects not only from Genesis to Revelation, but with their own life as well.
    <\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. Expect a crisis.

    As middle schoolers connect the dots they may also discover that they believe a lot of things that don\u2019t easily fit together. They may ask how an all-powerful God allows bad things to happen. You won\u2019t know all the answers, so don\u2019t act like you do. Just affirm what you do know. Help them anchor their faith to what is constant.
    <\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. Be consistent. 

    Speaking of constant, you may never have a phase where predictability matters more. Practice making regular promises and following through in simple ways to prove you can be trusted. It may seem like they are testing you. They are. Absolutely nothing you say will matter for a middle schooler unless you say it with the credibility you earn simply by showing up in their world to prove you care.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    How Middle Schoolers are Changing Morally <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    Middle school can be impulsive and intense. Whatever they feel they feel with passion\u2014even if they may change their mind tomorrow. They have a unique blend of confidence and insecurity unlike any other phase. So you have to AFFIRM their personal journey. <\/strong>Middle schoolers are primarily motivated by acceptance. If you try to motivate a preteen through shame or embarrassment, it may work against their primary motive and lead to defiant and defensive behavior. But when you respond to them in a loving manner, you learn to listen more often, encourage more specifically, and guide more patiently. Then you influence them to stop and think rationally before they respond in the moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    A few things to know related to how middle schoolers are changing in their moral development: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Sixth Grade: <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n